In case you haven’t figured it out by now…
I’m an “A-type”.
A control freak.
A planner and strategist.
A cross all my t’s and dot all my i’s type.
And currently I’m wrestling with God because he is not letting me be those things in a particular area of my life.
The only way I know to describe it is that He’s given me something to steward and he’s gently place it in my hands. It’s fragile. It’s undeveloped. It needs nurturing. It needs prayer.
My natural instinct would be to put a death grip on this thing and take full control as soon as He placed it in my hands.
But I can’t.
This thing won’t be controlled right now. As much as I want to I can’t get my hands around it. I’m holding it so tentatively that I’m afraid the slightest attempt to contain it will cause it to implode. And I don’t want that.
It’s a gift. It’s precious. It’s a remarkable responsibility.
And I don’t know what to do with it.
I just hold it gingerly praying for clarity and direction.
I love this feeling and I hate this feeling.
I love the feeling of trusting God with it because it’s His.
I hate the feeling of inadequacy, fear and loss of control.
So for now my hands are open, gently cradling it, listening carefully and moving slowly.
Have you ever found yourself in a similar place of restless obedience?