A Humbling Moment of Honesty
I knew that when I committed to make “humility” my OneWord for 2011, it wouldn’t be an easy road. I knew that and yet I hoped… I hoped it wouldn’t be too painful. I hoped that God would grow humility in me without actually having to make me feel the pain of humbling myself. I know… that just sounds kind of silly. But I guess I hoped that since I was addressing the need for it, that it might save me the process.
That hasn’t been the case at all. In fact, I’m becoming so much more aware of the moments of pride and arrogance that mark my life. Realizing that in itself, humbles me.
My prideful self is embarrassing.
Today was just another reminder. I began my day a little lost. We now have 5 campuses and I wasn’t really NEEDED anywhere this morning. This should be a good thing, right? We have amazing leaders at each of our campuses and I can trust them to lead their congregations without having to be all up in their business. That’s a good thing. It’s the way it’s supposed to be.
But if I’m honest, as a leader it’s tough. It’s tough to not feel needed. Its difficult to watch other leaders shine and to find myself in the background.
So after facing my insecurity demons, I headed out to our Bellevue Campus ready to serve Justin and his team in any way I could. I thought “ok, cool I can hang out, chat with others, encourage volunteers, etc. Easy breezy. This will be a great day.”
And then I arrived. Before I took five steps inside the door I discovered that the floors were in desperate need of attention. The hallways in the entire building needed to be swept.
“What was that I said? Oh yeah, that I would serve however I could?”
I wish I could tell you I swept those floors with great joy. I didn’t.
I forced a smile. I made some jokes. I told myself that this is exactly what a servant leader does.
But it was humbling.
This was the best way that I could serve today and so I served.
Hopefully taking another step towards developing a heart of humility.
Have you ever prayed for something that you knew was going to mean going through a painful process?