Being Last: Guest Post by Aletheia
Great perspective from another new friend…
I moved my toes back and forth in my
too-scuffed-to-be-professional-black-flats as her words came out, “Why
do i feel like I’m the only one who deals with this/is a wreck/can’t
get it right/wishes that things were different?”
The room instantly erupted; none of us could hold it in. “ARE YOU
KIDDING?!” The question, rather, statement, offered in unison, was then
followed by disclosure of recent failings.
No matter how often it’s said, it’s just really hard sometimes to
believe that being a mess is ok and I think that’s especially true for
those of us who are leaders.
And sometimes that can make it that much worse. Sometimes, because we
aren’t ok with our messiness, we keep on keeping on, but not in the way
He intended–we show a good face or are quick to talk about our
successes, wanting others to take note at the way we accomplished this
or got a gold star in that.
Mike foster, leader of one of my all-time-favorite-groups, People of
the Second Chance, said this recently: I’m perfectly content with
coming in last in the rat race, and it made me wonder what a person
might have to believe, as in really, really believe, to be able to live
from such a place.
I know for me, this is something I’d love to proclaim and moreso, shine
forth through my actions, but if I’m really honest, I’m not ok being
last. Sure, I am getting more comfortable with not having to be at the
head of the class (well, mostly, because I never was there to begin
with), but last? I don’t know about that…
Last sounds, well, last.
Loser-ish. Not chosen.
Dumpy and slow.
Incompetent and devalued.
Frowned upon, so-so.
And yet, Jesus has SO MUCH to say about being last.
And it was precisely this posture that I was so drawn to as my friends
and I sat and then stood together for a few moments, talking about
weakness. Our weakness. About being last.
In that moment what we were saying was that it’s ok that we weren’t and
aren’t perfect, that it’s ok that we sometimes seriously miss it.
It was paramount for us right then and right there to remind each other
AND ourselves that no one is better here, wiser, more put-together, or
accomplished; We’re just some knuckle-heads (some with pedicured
toenails that still somehow manage to smudge) trying to love people.
I think I’d like to practice being last.