I Can’t Find Me
I’ve lost me.
I find glimpses here and there, but mostly I’m chasing me in someone else’s life. I see someone who is successful, influential or inspiring and I start chasing thinking maybe that is me. But when I come up short, I discover that it is really not me.
I look at others and see things I want to be.
I wonder how much time I have lost chasing someone other than me?
I’m tired. I’m tired of chasing everyone but me. I define me by the standards others have set. I absorb those standards because I want to conform, I want to be “in”, I want to be liked. Ironically I only look like a follower, a copycat.
I’m not a follower. I’ve been gifted to lead, but often I’m so insecure that I give in to following. I’m scared to lead. I’m scared to fail, so I follow what has worked for someone else only to fail at it myself.
Sometimes I try to be so much of what I’m not.
Do you understand? Do you do this too?